Things That Remind Me of You

Tea and cookies. Peanut M&M's out of a gumball machine. Hide and seek. Your tractor. Your old brown truck. Your little white truck. Driving way too fast. Watching Survivor together. No elbows on the table. Your cute worn in jeans. Velcro shoes. Plaid shirts. Your chair. Milk for dinner. Kentucky Fried Chicken. Wednesday dinners. Snacks after school. Puzzles. Graduations. Birthdays. The month of May. Thanksgiving lunch. The day before Thanksgiving. Putting air in my tires. Bench sitting. Greeting at the door. Closing the gate. Watching the news. Your office. Yelling at Whitney for raising the bed. Your rough hands. Your combed back grey hair. Mints. Your jokes. Your teeth. Walking under the trees. Acorns. Teaching me how to ride a bike. My wedding day. Meeting your great granddaughter for the first time.
Things that remind me of you.

I love you, Poppie. We'll see you again one day.

Harper's Birth Story

These past three weeks have been everything and nothing like I thought they would be all at the same time. Becoming a mommy has been the most rewarding and amazing feeling I could have ever dreamed of. It was an instant 'love at first sight' connection between me and my little girl. She's more beautiful and perfect than I could have ever imagined. My heart has grown more than I ever thought it could for both her and my husband. Watching him become a daddy has filled my heart with more love than I ever thought possible. Becoming parents has been the biggest blessing we could have ever been given, and we can only thank God for allowing us to call her ours forever.

Despite being head over heels in love with this little one, these past three weeks have been emotionally, physically, and mentally draining to be quite honest. With her birth kinda being "sprung" on us, my labor and delivery going nothing like I planned or hoped, a baby that screamed and cried her whole first week home (especially from 11pm-3am), mourning the loss of my pregnant belly (thanks raging postpartum hormones!) and continuous issues with my personal health thanks to delivery complications I've been like I said, drained. But I can honestly say that despite all these hiccups, I wouldn't trade my sweet bundle of joy for anything in the world. She melts my heart with every stare, every grab, and yes, even every cry. Everything has gone to plan - God's plan, not mine - which is how it should be!

*If birth stories aren't your thing, feel free to skip on over it! I can't promise not to share far too many details and lots of pictures with frizzy hair & no makeup. :)

On the morning of Wednesday, December 9th, we had our last appointment with my doctor. After scheduling a scheduled induction at our previous appointment for that upcoming Sunday, this appointment was more for precautionary measures since my blood pressure had been an area of concern. The previous week my blood pressure could not have been more perfect thanks to complete bed rest, so I assumed this appointment would be about the same. I was stress free all week, rested like I was instructed, and really was content with having a few more peaceful days at home with my husband before our world would be so beautifully turned upside down. Much to my surprise, the nurse took my blood pressure and it was the highest it had been all pregnancy long (about 160/110). I pretty much knew right then and there that my doctor wouldn't let me go until that Sunday like originally planned due to the risk of further complications during labor & delivery associated with the high blood pressure.

Just like we thought, our doctor quickly cut to the chase when she came into the room and expressed the concern with my BP. After checking to see if I had progressed in dilation over the past week (which I had not one bit - maybe, maybe 1 cm), she let us know that we would need to go in as soon as possible to start the induction process. I would be 39 weeks the following day, so baby was considered full-term at that point. We were pretty taken back by this news, considering we weren't really prepared going into the appointment, aside from our hospital bags being packed. After working out the schedule with the hospital, my doctor instructed us to arrive at the hospital by 5pm that evening, giving us a chance to take care of things back home before beginning our hospital stay.

Cody and I both left the doctor's office relatively quiet - probably a little shocked more than anything. We were ready for a Sunday induction, but were still hoping to knock out a few things on our to-do list before bringing our girl home. After calling our parents letting them know of the news, we decided to have one last breakfast together as a family of two at Chick-fil-a. I remember sitting in the bench, thinking that by tomorrow (so I thought) our family would grow by one - so weird, unexpected, and exciting all at the same time! We ran by Target to grab some last minute items to pack away and then headed home. We gathered our belongings, cleaned up a little, and eventually took our dog, Hank, to be boarded while we were gone. We arranged plans for Maci to be picked up, let our close friends in on the news, and ate a late lunch before we left. Through it all, we both stayed relatively calm and collected, soaking in what was going to happen.

We arrived at the hospital (a little after 5...thanks to me) and checked in through emergency since it was after hours. We were quickly checked in, and headed up to the maternity ward where our room was already waiting on us. Since I wasn't dilated much at all, and hadn't shown much progress over the last few weeks (Harper was not ready to leave anytime soon, I was sure of it), they were going to give me Cervidil to soften my cervix and hopefully increase dilation over night to lower the chance of a c-section. The Cervidil needed to be inserted for 12 hours, with no eating and no drinking through the night. We had a couple visitors to make sure we were settling in well, and had everything we needed. 

The next morning the Cervidil was taken out, and one of the other doctors from my practice came in to check to see the progress made before her shift switched over to the doctor I had normally been seeing. According to her, I hadn't made much progress at all, so she was going to leave it up to my doctor on whether to do another round of Cervidil for another 12 hours (please no!) or to go ahead and start the pitocin. While waiting for the decision to be made, I was able to eat a turkey sandwich for breakfast (not complaining since I missed them throughout my whole pregnancy!) and was able to shower and get ready for the day ahead.
Once the second doctor came in and checked me, I was about 1 1/2 cm dilated, definitely more thinned out, and was having mild contractions. Knowing that, she had the nurse start pitocin around 8:45am. For the longest time, I wasn't dilating more at all. I was still around 1 cm for majority of the morning, but was luckily thinning out as the morning went on and the pitocin was increased gradually. I was pretty sure Harper would have stuck it out for as long as possible in there if she could have. About 2-3 hours after the pitocin was initially started, my doctor came back in and broke my water to hopefully kick my body into gear. Luckily, breaking my water did the trick as I was beginning to have longer and stronger contractions throughout the day. I toughed it out for awhile, but decided to go ahead with the epidural around 3. I was really questioning whether I gave in too soon, if I was being a giant wimp and had no pain tolerance whatsoever. I felt a lot of guilt for some reason. But inevitably, I went ahead with decision after being told it would be about an hour before the anesthesiologist would be in to administer the epidural.
To my surprise, it didn't take an hour at all, but only took about 20 minutes. I felt pretty nervous about it, but the pain of the contractions eventually outweighed my desire to care. Once everything kicked in, naturally I felt amazing and even thought a couple times that this labor thing was a piece of cake! We had a few visitors throughout the day to keep us company and pass the time, which was really nice. Laying in bed for 24 hours left me feeling pretty restless!

Beginning around 7 that evening, I started to feel mild cramping on my left side. Gradually, the pain started getting worse, but not unbearable. Around 8:30 or so, my nurse checked me again and I was still only about 4cm and 90% effaced, which left me pretty disappointed since everything was moving so slowly throughout the day. Around 9 or so, the contractions on my left side were becoming more intense. My epidural was slowly wearing off on my left side only, so a little after 9, my doctor checked me and I was barely at 5 cm. I was told I would probably be having her around 2am at the rate I was progressing. Once my doctor left, my contractions were coming in full force and pretty close together. By 10pm I was in tears and on the verge of balling my eyes out because the pain was that intolerable. Cody called the nurse in and she got the anesthesiologist back down to our room to replenish my epidural. I was also given a narcotic of some kind along with the epidural. The anesthesiologist stuck around to see if the pain subsided, but all it really did was numb my right side more, and left my left side a little tingly, still feeling the contractions. My nurse decided to see how dilated I was, even though I was checked an hour before by my doctor. We quickly found out the reason for the sudden unbearable contractions - I was 9cm dilated. That's right - 5cm to 9cm in less than an hour. The anesthesiologist looked a little concerned, and even expressed that he wouldn't have given me the second epidural dose and narcotic if he knew I was that dilated in fear of me not being able to feel the contractions and push.
As soon as we found out that I was 9cm, the room quickly filled with nurses, scurrying to get everything prepped and ready for baby. As chaos is happening around the room, my left side is feeling every contraction. I never wanted to even know what having a baby naturally felt like, but I quickly started figuring it out. My doctor eventually arrived around 10:50 or so, and I began pushing. I remember watching the clock in between contractions thinking she would be in my arms within a matter of minutes. Five, ten, fifteen, thirty, an hour passed by and I was still pushing. In between every push, I kept my eyes on the clock. Because I was given the narcotic, I felt extremely drowsy and could almost fall asleep in between contractions. I could get two good pushes in, and by the third push I had no energy left and was almost falling asleep. By the time the doctor could see her head, she realized why my epidural wore off on my left side. Our little girl sunny side up, tilted to the side, so she created a "hot spot" - a place the epidural couldn't reach. 
Working on hour two of pushing, I felt like I was defeated, exhausted, and couldn't do it anymore. All I wanted to do was cry and scream, but I held back the best I could. The more I pushed, the more my epidural wore off on my whole body. I had never experienced so much pain in my life, and I felt like I had no energy left to get her out. Somehow, I managed to make some progress with pushing, and by 12:54am, our little girl was laid on my chest looking as perfect and beautiful as ever. I remember looking at her for the first time and thinking she looked like Cody. I kept looking at her, and looking at Cody, to see his reaction to his beautiful, brand new daughter. I watched her in amazement for awhile, but the pain of after birth quickly brought me back down to earth. Since my epidural had completely worn off, I was feeling every push, every pull, and every stitch. I kept thinking it would all be over soon, but it wouldn't stop. Because she came out facing upwards and sideways, I had an abnormal 3rd degree tear that took an eternity to fix. It felt like the longest hour of my life, but finally by 2am I was finally able to hold my little girl. 

Our original plan after delivery was to spend an hour together with just her, and then let family see her after. But because of the severe pain I was in, and the fact that it was 2am, we decided to go ahead and have our parents come back to see her. We loved watching their reactions when holding her and seeing their granddaughter for the first time. After lots of snuggles, Cody was able to take her to the nursery and watch her get checked out and bathed. My mom stayed with me for awhile, and helped me eat a snack and finally drink some much needed water. After two hours of pushing, an hour of being stitched up, my body was feeling traumatized and I couldn't stop shaking uncontrollably due to pain. I never dreamed of my labor and delivery going like this, and I had a hard time soaking in the sweet moments of meeting my daughter for the first time because the experience took everything out of me. By 5am, I finally was able to hold her, freshly bathed, cute little hat and all. I looked at her and never felt so much love in my life. She could not have been more perfect, and made every moment of pain worth it. 

The next few days, our sweet little Harper had lots of visitors. She was shown so much love in her first few days. Cody and I loved seeing everyone's reaction when meeting her, and felt very blessed to have such wonderful friends and family to support our new family of three.

We ended up staying in the hospital a lot longer than we ever anticipated - roughly six days - due to health complications with me. But despite the wanting to completely bust out of that place, we loved getting to know our girl!

By Monday night, we were finally discharged from the hospital and could finally head home with Harper!

We've been completely in love ever since. :)

Introducing Harper Elizabeth

Introducing the love of our life...

Harper Elizabeth December 11, 2015 Born at 12:54 am 6 pounds 13 ounces
We couldn't be more in love!

My Pregnancy Must-Haves

My days as a 'mama-to-be' are numbered, and the new title of 'mama' will take it's place. Although I'm totally beyond excited to meet our little babe, I already kinda miss being pregnant (at least some aspects of it - the little kicks and jabs, the stretchy waistbands, accentuating my belly instead of hiding it). For the most part, I've loved being pregnant. Now, I definitely won't miss the swollen ankles, backaches, and feeling like a beached whale here in the recent weeks, but I'm sure those little inconveniences will quickly be forgotten once I get to snuggling our little girl.

When you're pregnant for the first time though, it's just all so new and exciting, and a little bit terrifying and overwhelming. You're now responsible for another human life that isn't your own. On top of making sure you're doing what you're suppose to, to ensure the healthy growth of your little belly peanut, you have to figure out of how to take care of yourself now that your pants are a little snug and the dreaded thought of stretch marks makes you wipe out the lotion shelf at your local drug store.

As a first time preggo, you really have no idea what kind of pregnancy luxuries to buy - especially when you're only 6 weeks in and the thought of a big ole belly seems pretty distant. But eventually, you do have to buy a new wardrobe and the full coverage maternity jeans don't seem so lame, but now the only plausible option.The retail world of baby and pregnancy can make any hormonal mama-to-be broke, so it's best to handle this phase of life as just that - a phase. Not spending your entire paycheck at Motherhood Maternity, and really focusing in on the staples of pregnancy to get you through. Here are a list of my favorite pregnancy must-haves throughout my whole pregnancy, first through third trimesters!

+ Hair Ties 
The ol' hair tie pants trick. Guilty.
 If you're anything like me, I tried putting off buying maternity clothes as long as possible. I really didn't want to buy maternity pants, knowing that this baby was only going to get bigger, and the thought of buying pants multiple times during the multiple stages of this growing belly made made me a little crazy. It's a definite good first trimester trick, and can hopefully work a little ways into the second trimester!

+ Prenatal GUMMY Vitamins
They almost taste as good as candy - almost.
I HATE taking vitamins - especially the ones that leave an icky taste in your mouth. After checking with my doctor at the beginning of pregnancy, the VitaFusion Gummy Vitamins were my best option. I actually looked forward to taking them because they really tasted that good. I actually began taking them before I was pregnant, but you'll definitely want for the long 9 month baby haul. 

+ Pregnancy Body Pillow
Game changer. Completely.
I was lucky enough to have a sweet neighbor who loaned me hers! :)
I suggest going with that option if at all possible. I really didn't need it for the first half of my pregnancy, and probably even a little while after that. But by the third trimester, it completely helped me sleep through the night (especially since I was a stomach sleeper pre-pregnancy) with the belly and leg support. 

+ Maternity Cami's
I've never been one to flaunt my stomach, since it was never that flat anyway, but I was all about flaunting the baby bump once it made a noticeable appearance. They were perfect for layering under all my pre-pregnancy plaid shirts and sweaters, and I was able to use one cami for multiple looks. Plus, with being so hot (especially at night - yay hormones), they're perfect for sleeping in and staying cool.

+ Sparkly Belt
Okay - maybe not a necessity, but this was my FAVORITE pregnancy wardrobe accessory! See here. I loved the way it made my bump "pop" and was cute and fashionable even when I maybe didn't feel so cute and fashionable. It made every look more complete and a tad fancy. I bought mine from Target, here.

+ Pregnancy Apps
Because you really have no clue whats happening with this suddenly large and in charge body of yours, so the apps kinda give you a piece of mind. I tried a few different apps the last nine months, but my favorites are "What to Expect," "The Bump," and "Ovia Pregnancy." All three are free, which is even better! They offer a lot of great insight into what's going on with your baby and give you tips and a timeline for what you should be doing to prepare for baby's arrival. I really looked forward to every Thursday when I was able to read my new weekly update!

+ Pregnancy Leggings/Yoga Pants
LIFE CHANGING. No, seriously.
I probably won't be switching back to regular leggings after pregnancy, and I'm not ashamed. They're that comfortable, and suck a lot in. Secret: I wear my skinny yoga tights as leggings a lot of the time because they're a little thicker. #noshame
Mine are all purchased from Old Navy. 

+ Drawstring Shorts
These were a life saver at the beginning of my pregnancy and really through the whole second trimester. Once I began filling out in my hips and thighs (pretty early on), I knew I needed something a little more cozy and that could grow with my belly. I didn't even need to purchase maternity shorts (MONEY SAVER!) because of the drawstring. Once again, I purchased mine from Old Navy for like $10 - definitely affordable and cute. Zippers and buttons are way overrated even not pregnant!

+ Full Coverage Maternity Jeans
This is where I wish I would have made more of an investment. 
When I first started showing, I didn't know if I should buy the side panel stretchy jeans or the full coverage jeans. Because I really wasn't showing too much at the time, I felt like the side panel jeans were all I would need - they felt great! The full coverage jeans just seemed a little much at the time, but I was very mistaken come third trimester. The once cozy side panels increasingly dug into my hips and cut me off in the belly. By the time I was completely over wearing them, I was far enough along that I didn't want to spend even more money on maternity clothes. I wish I would have just bought the full coverage jeans from the beginning. Next time, I'll know!

+ Stretch Mark Cream
I know they say if you're going to get stretch marks, you will regardless of what kind of lotion/cream you use. That's probably true, but I would have been way harder on myself once I did get them unless I at least tried. My mother-in-law actually was sweet enough and bought me the CeraVe` and I really liked it. If I didn't have it with me, I would use heavy duty lotion instead. I was stretch mark free up until about week 36/37. So close!

+ Belly Bands
Another great trick for stretching out the longevity of wearing your old pants. I actually found a coupon for a free one from a magazine at one of my doctor's appointments, and it worked great for awhile. I actually wished I would have bought one sooner than I did. 

+ Boyfriend T-Shirts
At the beginning of operation hide baby bump, you're trying to not allow your new pooch to sneak through and give away your secret before the first trimester is up. These loose, yet fashionable t-shirts from Old Navy did the trick just fine, and I'm actually even able to still wear them at 38 weeks - and they're non-maternity (money saver again).

There we have it - a few of my pregnancy fav's throughout each trimester! What are some of y'all's pregnancy favorites for the new mama-to-be's?