Mourning the Bump

I didn't love being pregnant in the beginning.

Of course, I was excited for this gift that we were given, but I didn't love how it made me feel emotionally and physically at first. I waited and waited for that cute little belly that just screamed, "HEY WORLD, I'M PREGNANT!" But the cute basketball belly just didn't pop like I expected. For the entire first half of my pregnancy (and honestly, probably a few weeks after that) I could hide being pregnant easily. In fact, I remember going back to work after summer break - 20 weeks pregnant - and some coworkers had no clue I was even pregnant. One even said they just thought I had gained some weight...thanks so much.

The truth of the matter was that I was just carrying my baby differently.

Much more in my hips than belly out. Instead of feeling cute and pregnant, I felt like I had taken one too many trips through the buffet line and had a few too many beers along the way. But in time, my cute, so very pregnant belly arrived, just a little more delayed than expected. And once my baby bump  made it's debut, I LOVED being pregnant.

I loved how outfits just looked cuter with my gold sparkly belt wrapped around the top of my belly. I loved the kicks and jabs. I loved that I didn't have to suck in my stomach after eating too much. I loved my maternity leggings and how cozy they were. I loved the baby questions from people. I loved writing my bumpdates every week to see the progress. I loved checking my apps to see how our little girl was growing. I actually loved going to the doctor. 

I really began to love and feel so attached to this belly.

When we had a scare back in November with my blood pressure, I had a moment of panic thinking that I wasn't quite ready for the little one to evacuate. Luckily, it was just that, a scare, and I was sent home to enjoy a couple more weeks of pregnancy. When we eventually scheduled induction day, I felt at peace with leaving my belly behind and welcoming our girl. I thought having a few more days rubbing my belly and feeling those kicks would be perfect. But when we went in for a check-up a few days before our scheduled induction, we were surprised to find that we needed to start induction sooner than expected - that night actually. Not the plan doc, and this girl likes a good plan.

At the time, I had so many thoughts and emotions going through my head, that I didn't realize I wasn't going to be able to soak in any more days of pregnancy. I was so excited to meet this little girl - and a little in shock probably that it was happening so soon - but I forgot to really soak in the last few moments of pregnancy like I wanted.

It was love at first sight meeting Harper. I love her more than I ever thought I possibly could - lets make that very clear. But my labor and delivery (and our six day hospital stay) went NOTHING like I hoped, and honestly, was somewhat traumatic. Part of me wanted to go back in time when I was happy, pregnant, and not miserably sore. When we were able to go home, the postpartum hormones really kicked in. I loved this tiny human so much, but it was so hard.

She cried a lot. I could hardly move around to do simple tasks. I was still having complications post delivery - like remembering to empty this lovely catheter bag strapped to my leg (just putting things into perspective, you know). I MISSED my belly. So bad. I began feeling like I lost somebody close to me despite gaining the most beautiful gift. I thought about all the things I would be missing now. I still looked five months pregnant which didn't help. I thought about how jealous I was of everybody who was still pregnant. I thought about how I already wanted another baby just so I could have my belly back. Cody should win an award of some kind for putting up with my emotional, hormonal butt like a champ.

I felt like my belly was a part of me that was suddenly gone, and I never had a chance to say goodbye, as ridiculous as it sounds. Newborn mama life is hard as hell. My labor and delivery experience wasn't sweet and beautiful. I missed the ease. I missed the normality of the being a mama-to-be rather than a mama to a newborn. Postpartum hormones are no joke. You're on a rollercoaster of emotions, and everything around you has been flipped upside down. My belly became a representation of the old me, and I missed it.

Like everything in life though, things come and go.

Every time I looked at Harper I was reminded about what I gained and not what I was leaving behind. Our days have gotten easier. I'm not nearly as sleep deprived. I feel mommyhood has come pretty natural to me most days. We've created a new norm around here, and I've been able to soak in life with my new baby just like I always hoped I would. It just took a little time, and some hormones to even out. Although, I can't wait to be pregnant again one day - I can wait. I love watching her grow, learn new things, and smile. But that's exactly what I want to do - enjoy our new normality as a family of three for a good while. I'll probably have another bump again one day, but these precious days with Harper are once in a lifetime and I would hate to miss out.

R.I.P. Baby Bump

I gained so much more than what I lost.

My Pregnancy Must-Haves

My days as a 'mama-to-be' are numbered, and the new title of 'mama' will take it's place. Although I'm totally beyond excited to meet our little babe, I already kinda miss being pregnant (at least some aspects of it - the little kicks and jabs, the stretchy waistbands, accentuating my belly instead of hiding it). For the most part, I've loved being pregnant. Now, I definitely won't miss the swollen ankles, backaches, and feeling like a beached whale here in the recent weeks, but I'm sure those little inconveniences will quickly be forgotten once I get to snuggling our little girl.

When you're pregnant for the first time though, it's just all so new and exciting, and a little bit terrifying and overwhelming. You're now responsible for another human life that isn't your own. On top of making sure you're doing what you're suppose to, to ensure the healthy growth of your little belly peanut, you have to figure out of how to take care of yourself now that your pants are a little snug and the dreaded thought of stretch marks makes you wipe out the lotion shelf at your local drug store.

As a first time preggo, you really have no idea what kind of pregnancy luxuries to buy - especially when you're only 6 weeks in and the thought of a big ole belly seems pretty distant. But eventually, you do have to buy a new wardrobe and the full coverage maternity jeans don't seem so lame, but now the only plausible option.The retail world of baby and pregnancy can make any hormonal mama-to-be broke, so it's best to handle this phase of life as just that - a phase. Not spending your entire paycheck at Motherhood Maternity, and really focusing in on the staples of pregnancy to get you through. Here are a list of my favorite pregnancy must-haves throughout my whole pregnancy, first through third trimesters!

+ Hair Ties 
The ol' hair tie pants trick. Guilty.
 If you're anything like me, I tried putting off buying maternity clothes as long as possible. I really didn't want to buy maternity pants, knowing that this baby was only going to get bigger, and the thought of buying pants multiple times during the multiple stages of this growing belly made made me a little crazy. It's a definite good first trimester trick, and can hopefully work a little ways into the second trimester!

+ Prenatal GUMMY Vitamins
They almost taste as good as candy - almost.
I HATE taking vitamins - especially the ones that leave an icky taste in your mouth. After checking with my doctor at the beginning of pregnancy, the VitaFusion Gummy Vitamins were my best option. I actually looked forward to taking them because they really tasted that good. I actually began taking them before I was pregnant, but you'll definitely want for the long 9 month baby haul. 

+ Pregnancy Body Pillow
Game changer. Completely.
I was lucky enough to have a sweet neighbor who loaned me hers! :)
I suggest going with that option if at all possible. I really didn't need it for the first half of my pregnancy, and probably even a little while after that. But by the third trimester, it completely helped me sleep through the night (especially since I was a stomach sleeper pre-pregnancy) with the belly and leg support. 

+ Maternity Cami's
I've never been one to flaunt my stomach, since it was never that flat anyway, but I was all about flaunting the baby bump once it made a noticeable appearance. They were perfect for layering under all my pre-pregnancy plaid shirts and sweaters, and I was able to use one cami for multiple looks. Plus, with being so hot (especially at night - yay hormones), they're perfect for sleeping in and staying cool.

+ Sparkly Belt
Okay - maybe not a necessity, but this was my FAVORITE pregnancy wardrobe accessory! See here. I loved the way it made my bump "pop" and was cute and fashionable even when I maybe didn't feel so cute and fashionable. It made every look more complete and a tad fancy. I bought mine from Target, here.

+ Pregnancy Apps
Because you really have no clue whats happening with this suddenly large and in charge body of yours, so the apps kinda give you a piece of mind. I tried a few different apps the last nine months, but my favorites are "What to Expect," "The Bump," and "Ovia Pregnancy." All three are free, which is even better! They offer a lot of great insight into what's going on with your baby and give you tips and a timeline for what you should be doing to prepare for baby's arrival. I really looked forward to every Thursday when I was able to read my new weekly update!

+ Pregnancy Leggings/Yoga Pants
LIFE CHANGING. No, seriously.
I probably won't be switching back to regular leggings after pregnancy, and I'm not ashamed. They're that comfortable, and suck a lot in. Secret: I wear my skinny yoga tights as leggings a lot of the time because they're a little thicker. #noshame
Mine are all purchased from Old Navy. 

+ Drawstring Shorts
These were a life saver at the beginning of my pregnancy and really through the whole second trimester. Once I began filling out in my hips and thighs (pretty early on), I knew I needed something a little more cozy and that could grow with my belly. I didn't even need to purchase maternity shorts (MONEY SAVER!) because of the drawstring. Once again, I purchased mine from Old Navy for like $10 - definitely affordable and cute. Zippers and buttons are way overrated even not pregnant!

+ Full Coverage Maternity Jeans
This is where I wish I would have made more of an investment. 
When I first started showing, I didn't know if I should buy the side panel stretchy jeans or the full coverage jeans. Because I really wasn't showing too much at the time, I felt like the side panel jeans were all I would need - they felt great! The full coverage jeans just seemed a little much at the time, but I was very mistaken come third trimester. The once cozy side panels increasingly dug into my hips and cut me off in the belly. By the time I was completely over wearing them, I was far enough along that I didn't want to spend even more money on maternity clothes. I wish I would have just bought the full coverage jeans from the beginning. Next time, I'll know!

+ Stretch Mark Cream
I know they say if you're going to get stretch marks, you will regardless of what kind of lotion/cream you use. That's probably true, but I would have been way harder on myself once I did get them unless I at least tried. My mother-in-law actually was sweet enough and bought me the CeraVe` and I really liked it. If I didn't have it with me, I would use heavy duty lotion instead. I was stretch mark free up until about week 36/37. So close!

+ Belly Bands
Another great trick for stretching out the longevity of wearing your old pants. I actually found a coupon for a free one from a magazine at one of my doctor's appointments, and it worked great for awhile. I actually wished I would have bought one sooner than I did. 

+ Boyfriend T-Shirts
At the beginning of operation hide baby bump, you're trying to not allow your new pooch to sneak through and give away your secret before the first trimester is up. These loose, yet fashionable t-shirts from Old Navy did the trick just fine, and I'm actually even able to still wear them at 38 weeks - and they're non-maternity (money saver again).

There we have it - a few of my pregnancy fav's throughout each trimester! What are some of y'all's pregnancy favorites for the new mama-to-be's? 

Bumpdate || Thirty-Eight

How far along: 38 weeks

Due Date: December 17, 2015 - we won't be making it though!
Baby is the size of: She's a little pumpkin this week - in the six pound range, 19-20 inches or so. 
Symptoms: Emotional! These pregnancy hormones are getting the best of me these days. Occasional Braxton Hicks contractions, but really not many at all. Feeling really tired the last few days, and really hungry! I can probably eat every two hours recently, which has been the complete opposite from the majority of my pregnancy. Acid reflux still hanging around also. My belly button sticks out all the time now, and stretch marks have decided to make an appearance on my belly. :( I was so close to making it to the end!
Gender: My sweet, sweet little girl. Post here. 
Name: Harper Elizabeth. Post here.
Movement: More shifts, rolls, and jabs these days. She's running out of space, but that didn't keep her from stretching out her little legs and jamming them into my ribs the other day... thanks little lady. 
Nursery: All done! Except for the monogram, which will probably be painted within the week. I'm completely in love with it!
Maternity Clothes: Leggings and yoga pants for this bed resting mama. I don't miss wearing regular clothes one bit. 
Sleep: Still pretty terrible, but I really wouldn't expect anything different at this point. Waking up every 3 hours or so, achy legs at night, sweating my butt off, and just not feeling comfortable. I'd love to take a nap during the day, but that's pretty hopeless also.
Best Moment This Week: Pretty good news at our doctor's appointment - we have an official day of arrival for our little peanut!
Missing Anything: Can you already miss being pregnant while you're still pregnant? After spending the day before Thanksgiving at the hospital, thinking we were probably going to be induced that day or within the week, we kinda assumed this journey was coming to an end sooner rather than later. Which in turn, got me all emotional about not having this little girl with me 24/7 wiggling around, feeling her every move. Oh, hormones.
Cravings/Aversions: Still that Chick-fil-a craving - but then again, isn't Chick-fil-a always a craving pregnant or not? I have a serious sweet tooth here recently, too. 
Mood: Like I said a few times - emotional! Wanting to meet her so bad, but wanting to keep her in this belly for as long as possible. 
Doctor's Appointment: After a few weeks of high blood pressure, we were expecting yet another week of it. We were completely SHOCKED that it read completely perfect the first time it was taken. And somehow there were no trace of proteins in my urine. So bed rest has been working really well, which kinda surprised our doctor that it did work so well. But to be cautionary, she doesn't want to run the risk too long of it going back up and having to be on medication during labor and delivery, which can make you feel pretty miserable she said and run the risk of seizures. So with that being said and everything seemingly perfect at the moment, she would feel more comfortable inducing at 39 weeks, just to make sure little girl's lungs are fully developed and ready for the world. With me being 39 weeks on the 10th, we were planning an induction for that night, but with scheduling, we'll be admitted and induced on the 13th instead. Crossing our fingers for a December 14th birthday! We will have an appointment next week though to make sure we're still doing good before induction day.
Husband: Sweet and wonderful. More than ready to meet his little girl!
Looking Forward To: December 13th to get the show on the road. :)
{{ previous bumpdates }}

four || five || six || seven

eight || nine || ten

eleven || twelve || thirteen

fourteen || fifteen || sixteen

seventeen || eighteen || nineteen

twenty || twenty-one || twenty-two

twenty-three || twenty-four || twenty-five

twenty-six || twenty-seven || twenty-eight

twenty-nine || thirty || thirty-one

thirty-two || thirty-three || thirty-four

thirty-five || thirty-six || thirty-seven

Showered With {Baby} Love | Harper's Shower

A couple weeks ago, I took a break from my bed rest to celebrate our little girl one last time before her arrival. With puffy face, big belly, and hubby in all, we enjoyed this time with family and friends all for our peanut. Cody's sweet cousin, Hailey, along with our future sister-in-law and aunt-to-be, Anissa, were so sweet in putting together our shower with Cody's side of the family. Everything was so adorable, and I once again, was in shock with how loved we are as an almost family of three. It was such a sweet day!

Bumpdate || Thirty-Seven

How far along: 37 weeks - inching closer to the finish line!

Due Date: December 17, 2015
Baby is the size of: The size of a winter melon, or Cody prefers - a tackle box. She should be getting close to six pounds hopefully, and probably around 19 inches long. She seems pretty little to me.
Symptoms: Still (attempting to rock) the puffy face. Mildly swollen feet and ankles - the norms of being 9 months pregnant. Definitely feeling more pressure because she is so low now. Exhausted really easily, but the urge to nest is in full force. CLEAN EVERYTHING!
Gender: All girl. Post here. 
Name: Harper Elizabeth. Post here.
Movement: More rolls, jabs, shifts, and pushes. I can feel her little butt and back pushing out around my belly button a lot. 
Nursery: Cody and his dad put up her book shelves, and I have to say it completely changed the look of the room with all her little books up there. I love them so much! Her crib sheet FINALLY arrived! Cody so meticulously put up the prints on her walls, and I was so proud of him! Nursery is done - minus her monogram, which will probably be done after she arrives.
Maternity Clothes: Leggings and whatever fits on the top. I broke my boots - you know, the only pair of shoes that fit these ginormous feet. So it's going to be slippers, flip-flops, and tennis shoes for the WIN!
Sleep: I sleep for about 2-3 hours at a time, which is fine considering that's what my new schedule will be when she's here for awhile. Just getting really hot, uncomfortable, and taking several potty breaks.
Best Moment This Week: Thanksgiving with our families! Our first Thanksgiving in our new house, and although it wasn't exactly how we planned, it was perfect!
Missing Anything: I already know I'll miss being pregnant, but I won't miss the difficulty of rolling around in bed trying to find a comfortable position. Or looking like a beached whale. :)
Cravings/Aversions: Chick-fil-a chicken salad sandwiches! And cinnamon poptarts. And just sweets in general.
Mood: Feeling more and more ready for our little peanut to come home. Very grateful for everybody who has helped me get ready for her - especially my sister, who cleaned and picked up our house without a complaint. Harper and I owe her BIG TIME. :) 
Doctor's Appointment: We thought we might be having a Thanksgiving baby for awhile after our last appointment. My blood pressure was even higher when they first checked it at the doctor's office, and there were more proteins in my urine. So, my doctor thought it would be better to have more tests run to have a better idea of what the next step should be. So, after being sent to the hospital, hooked up for another stress test, and blood being taken, we stayed at the hospital for about 2 hours. If they had come back not so good, I would be induced. Luckily, after laying down for two hours, and my blood pressure and tests results coming back completely perfect, we were sent home. But because everything was SO perfect when I was laying down, I'm now on COMPLETE bed rest - at least for the next week. I'm only a centimeter dilated, so we'll check it out again next appointment and see how things look. We may be meeting her a little earlier than expected! 
Husband: Wonderful! Dealing with my crazy hormones and putting up her book shelves made this mama h-a-p-p-y. Worked really hard on finishing up her nursery, and giving me lots of pep talks to calm my hormonal butt down. He's the best.
Looking Forward To: Meeting our little babe!
{{ previous bumpdates }}

four || five || six || seven

eight || nine || ten

eleven || twelve || thirteen

fourteen || fifteen || sixteen

seventeen || eighteen || nineteen

twenty || twenty-one || twenty-two

twenty-three || twenty-four || twenty-five

twenty-six || twenty-seven || twenty-eight

twenty-nine || thirty || thirty-one

thirty-two || thirty-three || thirty-four

thirty-five || thirty-six