August, Why You Gotta Be So Rude

Well, I honestly am not writing this post to have y'all pity me or boost my confidence. It's strictly to keep the raw truth and honesty into the blog. The blogs I love the most are the ones that put all seasons of life into their blogs, not just the good. I mean hey, keepin' it real over here.

So pretty much I started back to work at the very end of July, already battling being sick (I hadn't even been around second grade germs yet, so how this happened is a mystery to me). I felt like things in my classroom were coming along pretty well, especially since I stayed in the same room, I pretty much knew where I wanted things to be. I felt like since this was going to be my third year teaching, I really wanted to try some new things, and do things that I had always wanted to do in previous years, but being a new teacher and then on a new grade level, survival mode got in the way. So this year, I had big plans and was really excited to get it under way.

My goal before even going into this school year, was to really focus on work.

Previously, I had our wedding in the back of my mind, so at times, I probably didn't put my full effort into my lesson plans. When Cody and I do decide to start a family, I know once again, I'm going to want to focus more on that aspect of my life, not work. So this year is my year to really dedicate myself to my job, so in the future, teaching is something that's already established in my life.

I decided to start back to work earlier than I needed to so I could get ahead of the game. Pre-planning came around, and we really didn't have the time to do things in our rooms, because we had meetings, professional development, and oh, more meetings. So I was already staying a lot later to catch up before the kids came. I decided to work the Saturday before school started, which I didn't mind, so I could be ready for school starting on Tuesday. I had no clue that this would be a regular thing.

The first day of school started fine... And then half way through the day, my kids really "opened up." I believe I already had to raise my voice (aka. almost yell) on the first day of school! Normally, they're all so shy, quiet and still half asleep to even think about talking. Not my kids. And really it hasn't stopped since. I know I'm a "new" teacher, but I know how to teach rules, procedures, and how to follow through on them. I think sometimes, you just get a chatty bunch no matter how many times they pay a consequence, you talk to parents or they lose privileges. It's been a constant battle since August 5th, and quite frankly it's exhausting. Don't even get me started on our listening skills... "Do not get hand sanitizer in the middle of a lesson." Squirt, squirt.

My poor husband has been nothing short of INCREDIBLE the last month.

I'm not joking when I say I leave work at 7 o'clock, get home at 8, and am still working when I get home. I have gone to work more Saturdays. I have spent an entire weekend working on lesson plans. And he has been awesome. I have come home to countless dinners, warm hugs, and lots of "I'm here for you" kisses. He has let me cry on his shoulder countless times, and always seems to make me feel better. Until I go to work the next day that is... He has been so supportive.

But after spending so much time on my lesson plans (which I don't even know why is so hard for me right now because normally I whip them up in a few hours), I feel like I have wasted my time come time to actually teach them. I'm redirecting behaviors or having to stop because I'm being interrupted constantly, I'm not getting to half the stuff that I had planned. I'm losing my train of thought easily, I'm losing the flow of teaching, centers are way too noisy... it's a mess. AND I KNOW HOW TO DO THIS STUFF PEOPLE. I've done it all before! I KNOW I'm good at my job! But I'm completely struggling right now, and I don't know why! This job has got me so out of whack, it's ridiculous. I've never struggled this much in my entire life. (or cried this much for that matter) I'm in the phase where I don't know if I can do this forever. I don't know if this is where I'm meant to be.

As for now, I know I'll have time in the evenings this week to work on my plans, so I don't have to work on the weekend. I'm going to keep pushing through, and hope that this season of life is really just a season, and it too will pass. But I am so ready to start over with September, and I guarantee, that extra day off this Monday won't hurt a bit.