How Are YOU? Seriously...

How are YOU? Seriously...

Do you ever scroll through social media and see nothing but smiling faces, organized playrooms, pristine kitchens, extravagant vacations while you sit in your messy house, pink painted child - because she got into the nail polish - and feel more stressed and overwhelmed rather than blissfully perfect and happy like everybody else seems to be?

Can I just say, that's the kind of morning I've had? 

But that doesn't go into a picture perfect Instagram post very well, does it?

I read Chapter 2 of 'Grace not Perfection' this morning - I was suppose to read it yesterday, but I think it was really perfect and almost meant to be that I read it THIS morning. I got up early to get a head start on my book study and workout. I loved what I was reading by Emily. She said she has a friend that will ask her how she TRULY is - not the bullpoop answer of "I'm fine!" like I normally give acquaintances. But her friend asks her how she is...seriously. And she asked us to do the same. How we are, truly and seriously. 

This morning, my answer was different, but similar to what it is now. This morning my answer was that I feel overwhelmed. I feel like I have taken on a lot of projects - that I've done to myself and honestly really enjoy, but I feel the time ticking down. I wrote that I feel anxious and excited for school to start, but am worried that I've lost my teacher touch and will struggle being the primary teacher again, as much as I want to be. 

But then Harper woke up. Smile on her face, excited and joyful to see me. We got up, started to change her "poo?" (Harper's words) diaper when she grabbed the open diaper and pulled it straight towards her face. In an effort to prevent the ultimate poop tragedy of 2017, I grabbed the diaper with my hand and ended up being the one covered in, you guessed it. Good morning to me. Ha. 

After some deep breaths, morning workout, breakfast with my girl, we got ready to head to my sisters house. Harper lagged behind in the bathroom, but I assumed she was coming and I went to out to put my shoes on. Only to realize that she didn't follow me. And that it was eerily quiet - the kind of quiet only a mom is terrified of. And as I turned the corner, I see hot pink painted feet and hands. Nail polish bottle in the right, hot pink painted brush in the left. And behind her, hot pink drips of nail polish on the carpet, bathroom floor, and all over her precious little dress. Not to mention all over me as she grabbed me - my clothes, skin, and newly painted fingernails - which were white, now with blobs of pink. 

So. If I could reanswer truthfully how I'm feeling - overwhelmed, anxious, excited are all still there. But now stressed, upset, angry - at myself more than anything - and feeling like a crappy mom. But normally, if someone asked me how I was feeling, or if I were to post on social media - it wouldn't be that answer. It would be an "I'm great." answer. But not one with much truth. 

So as I type this out rocking her to sleep, I think back to the book. I remember to find grace in myself - these things happen, this is temporary, it's okay to slow down today and regroup. It's okay to find joy in other things - like how Harper helped me start the dishwasher today and was the proudest girl in the world, pink feet and fingers included. How cute and happy she was to sit inside the dog crate, holding up my Fitbit, and saying "CHEEEEESE" cause she thought it was a camera. 

I find joy in her joy today.

So, yes I have a mess to clean. 

I have a list of things to do.

 I'm slowing down, taking deep breaths and finding joy today. 

That's how I'm TRULY doing.