Why I Quit Beachbody Coaching | Part Four

This post is way overdue, and I know it.

Most readers have probably forgotten about this story, and maybe even completely disinterested by now. And I can't blame them. The timing of these posts have been so spaced out, feeling really dragged out. I get it, I promise.

I DO know why I delayed writing this post though.

After putting so much thought into PART THREE - and dealing with the tiny bits of drama that ensued after the first few posts - my mind felt tired just thinking about this topic. This world isn't me anymore - I don't feel the need to defend myself as strongly as I did before. I spoke my peace about the topic and defended my words and actions. Not only that, but my focus shifted. My focus became my real job - teaching - not the job that I used to have.The free time that I did have wasn't worth thinking about this - spending time with my family or sharing posts about our vacation seemed more meaningful.

But as I sit here on a Monday, rain and wind from Irma blowing around tree limbs and leaves in our backyard, I find myself ready to finish this story, whether anybody cares anymore about it or not. I feel mentally ready to finish this up. My back to school mind frame has calmed down, and we're settling into a routine. This unexpected day off has given my mind and heart an extra day's rest, and it's time to close this chapter for good. Every story needs an ending after all.

If you have missed the previous parts, check them out down below.

ONE | TWO | THREE

The month after the retreat was my strongest month since I had started this business back at the end of August. But the month after the retreat was the month that completely broke me as a coach. If you would have told me the second week of March that a week later I would be mentally done with coaching, I would have laughed in your face. But honestly, that's exactly how it played out. It was a whirlwind, a complete emotional roller coaster and inevitably what brought me back down to reality instead of living in this fairy tale network marketing life I had created.

At this point in my business, I finally felt like the work I had put in - the late nights, the time I took away from my family, the inviting and 'hey girl' conversations I started, the adding random people on Facebook - was paying off. A lot of girl's saw my journey and started contacting ME first, rather than me contacting them first. I think that's a huge step in this business. To me, that means - people see you, trust you, and respect what you're doing enough to entrust their health in your hands. As much as that totally excited me, it didn’t always feel right.

I spent four years of my life going to school to be a teacher - not to create meal plans and workout routines for people I knew not much about. I didn't know their personal health history before I sold them challenge packs and promised them results. I didn't go to school to be a psychologist or counselor trying to encourage and motivate people to stay on this journey rather than giving up. Weight and health is such a HUGE mental and emotional battle that so many people face every. single. day. and I was not properly trained to ensure that these potential clients were mentally healthy to start a health/workout program. But here I was, putting people's emotional, mental, and physical well-being in my hands as their "coach." I totally wasn't trained and certified to pretend like I was an expert, or hell – even a coach for that matter. I entrusted that the creators of these workouts and meal plans I was selling was good enough for everybody, no questions asked. But really, who was I to tell people what is and isn't healthy for them and what they need? I was nowhere near certified to be doing this. But according to Beachbody, I most certainly was.

I chose to ignore this side though for a long time.
I had a business to build, a lifestyle to portray on social media, and money to be made in order to build a life I thought I wanted. Several women approached me to better themselves - so much so, that I was setting business goals bigger than I once thought possible. I was on track to hit them and possibly even go beyond by the second week of March. One day specifically I remember so vividly. I was approached by THREE people in one day, all ready to jump on board. I had already helped so many people, but still more wanted in. I remember driving home from Harper’s daycare that afternoon and literally thinking to myself – “This is the best job ever. I can’t ever see myself quitting.” The feeling of success was completely intoxicating and I was on a high.

During this time, my actual job – you know, the teaching job I was supposed to be more concerned about since it paid my bills and gave me health insurance – was pretty up in the air.

As mentioned in my first couple of posts, I was an EIP teacher at a new school, in a new county. I didn’t have my own classroom, I was floater. In and out of classrooms, assisting teachers and kids that needed the support. In all honesty, this job was a piece of cake compared to being in the actual classroom. My previous years teaching as a 5th and 2nd grade teacher were emotionally, mentally, and physically exhausting. I taught in a tough environment that drained me of the once passion and love I had for teaching. This new school was a whole new world. I was close to home, and the kids I actually truly loved being around. My job was fun again, but still – way less stressful than being a lead teacher. I didn’t have the same responsibilities as homeroom teachers, I didn’t have to grade papers at home, I had more planning time due to my schedule, and I was able to walk out the door at 3:45pm every day no questions asked. It was a dream – at the time. I needed this period of rest. But still - even with this teaching position being less stressful and more enjoyable than ones past, my heart was half way out the door. It was more focused on coaching and making that my life, rather than what I always planned.

My school had eight EIP teachers, me being one of the last few hired. I was last on the totem pole, and didn’t want to transfer to the new school opening the next school year. After all, I had just switched schools and really wanted to be stable for awhile and get back on my feet as a teacher, whichever position that may be. I felt like this school I was currently teaching at was where I was supposed to be, and even thought about Harper potentially going to school with me in the future. I thought and prayed a lot about it, but it never felt right to leave. So, I chose to stay. But with me choosing to stay, I knew in my gut that my chances of actually staying in EIP were pretty slim. Our school was downsizing, which meant the need for EIP teachers was less. In every school I’ve ever been at, the end of the year is always buzzing with chatter about who is going where, what grade levels are going to be switched up. And this school was no different. One day in particular, the  hallways were especially buzzy. Word had gotten around that many people were being told what grade level they were going to or staying in, so I expected to hear my fate that day. In the middle of teaching a reading group, I got the call to the office.

I didn't know how to handle the news.
I knew it was coming, but I still was in shock.
In shock to the point I grabbed a giant bag of popcorn at Target that afternoon and devoured most of it. (not on my Beachbody 21 Day Fix meal plan by the way). You see, I had been creating this new life as a Beachbody coach. The feeling of purpose that I longed for after becoming a new mom, not being a lead teacher like I always was, changing schools and losing familiar friendships left me feeling like I needed more. I started making plans in my head - how much longer I would stay in education before I decided I would become a full-time stay-at-home mom/health & fitness coach - aka. girl boss. It was going to be a few years before I was able to make the switch - we want to move eventually and have another child - so I needed a steady income and health insurance before making a drastic change. But nonetheless, I was mentally out of teaching, and going through the motions. And going back into the classroom as a 4th grade teacher was mostly certainly not in my plans.

So many coaches are former teachers, who quit for various reasons. Many grew tired of low salaries, schedules, parents, administration issues, etc. And so many coaching posts are directed to the working mom who isn't happy with their current situation. They preach how coaching has changed their life for the better, and for many it really might have. But these posts are meant to influence you - the potential client - to want to be them, to build a life like theirs, to join in the effort of helping people live happier, healthier lives all while staying at home with your kids and making money. I constantly heard about how great this world was, that I started seeing my current life as not good enough. Teaching wasn't necessarily looked down upon, but it wasn't talked about in a positive light by those I surrounded myself with in the coaching world. I heard more negatives than good, and I admit that I let myself be easily influenced by these words. I didn't realize it at the time, but I was allowing other people's dreams to become mine. I never once dreamed of being a stay at home mom - not that there is anything wrong with it. But all of a sudden, it was what I wanted. I started looking at teaching in a negative light throughout my coaching experience, and in turn, created a new life in my head. I made plans, I thought I had it all figured out. But as many of you probably know, your plans and God's actual plan - well, they don't always match up.

So here I was with a really big glitch in my perfect plan.
My "dream" of becoming a full time coach was in disarray.
I had been a homeroom teacher before. I had been a teacher on a new grade level before.
I knew exactly how much time and commitment was needed to be a homeroom teacher (just a hint - it's A LOT of time). And you guessed it - I barely was fitting in time to see my family, I was dedicating my "free" time to coaching. How the heck was I going to be a homeroom teacher again, grow a side business into something big enough to make it a full time job, and oh, spend time with my family, cook dinner, take care of my house, do fun things with my family, etc. Twenty-four hours in a day was not enough for my perfect plan anymore. For about a week, I was torn. I felt lost. I went from the highest of highs to the lowest of lows. I was brought exactly back to the initial feeling that haunted me and triggered me to even start Beachbody - stuck. This time though, I wasn't stuck with my weight and health. I was stuck in the middle of my dream plan and reality.

God has a funny sense of timing though.
I spent the next week feeling confused, mad, upset, stuck, annoyed, sad, and disappointed.
And then I felt sick.
Literally.

On a Monday night, during the middle of a team call that took at least two hours of my evening, I started feeling awful. I woke up the next day at 4am for a morning workout, and by 10am I could hardly walk. I almost passed out in the middle of one my classes. I felt nauseous. Chills ran up my spine, and I could hardly function. I left school early that day to find out I had come down with a case of the flu. And not to be completely whiny, but I don't remember a time I had felt worse. Everything was put on hold. Which was a problem as a coach. The few days before I had gotten sick, I messaged and contacted several girls about signing up with me to start their fitness journey. I had big goals to hit after all. Responses started filing in the next day - the day I felt completely miserable. I couldn't even look at my phone hardly without feeling like puking, but as I sat at in the waiting room at the little clinic up the street to my house, I couldn't put my phone down. I wanted these girls, I wanted them on my team, I wanted to reach my goal for the month, I needed these conversations. Eventually, I decided it was best to give my body the rest it needed to recover, and I put the conversations on hold since I couldn't hardly think straight. I ignored the messages and requests to sign up with me for a little over 24 hours. And within that 24 hour time frame, I was sent the message that completely changed my perspective.

"???"

That was it.
I was mentally checked out from coaching after seeing those three little question marks in my Facebook inbox. After talking with a girl for a few days about signing up, not hearing from her for several days, and then finally receiving a message that morning from her at 11am with a question about the challenge pack - I received those three little marks eight hours later because I didn't respond to her in a timely manner. Because I was too sick to check my phone. Because I decided I needed a break. Because I decided that my health was a priority. In all honesty, it pissed me off. But in even more honesty, I realized that with this "perfect" job - you don't get sick days. You don't get vacations. You don't get a full maternity leave even. You don't get time to truly rest.

You can't abandon your social media for days or weeks because you simply don't feel inspired to post. Even while sick, I took a picture of my saltine crackers to make sure I was still popping up in people's news feeds. I felt compelled to post regularly, it was all I thought about. You have an image and lifestyle to uphold and sell. You can't not message girls and expect to make sales. You can't not complete your Power Hours and expect to make this a full time job.
You are on call all the time.

And for me -
Nah. That's not for me.

Some might look at this like I was weak.

Or I don't have the drive to push myself to the point of huge success.
Maybe I didn't read enough self-help books during my coaching run.
I'm sure several celebrities, fancy business owners, CEO's of large companies, top Beachbody coaches made sacrifices to get to their point of ultimate success. Hopefully though, it's what they truly wanted and it was the plan that God laid out for them for their life. But really, that realization of not being able to step away from this business without it hurting you - it wasn't what completely made my mind up about quitting - but it was just another reason to take a step back and really analyze what I turned my life into. It was the driving force that made me open up conversations with my friends and family about what my life currently was.

I stepped away from the business for a couple weeks quietly.
I mentally was checked out, but didn't want to make such a rash decision either.
I wanted to talk with my family, my friends, and even coach to talk out my feelings and hopefully make a final decision about what needed to be done - stay a coach or step away. I'm such a people pleaser though. I was so worried about  these girls that trusted me with their health and fitness might think if I stepped away. That I was letting them down, or that I took advantage of them for my own benefit. I was so worried about what my coach would think and how it would affect her own business if one of her top coaches quit. She was a teacher who decided that it wasn't for her anywhere, and stepped away to make coaching her full time job. And here I was possibly hurting a business that was meant to support her family. I was so worried about what everybody on my social media accounts would think if they saw another network marketer bite the dust and quit on what seemed to be such a lifestyle makeover.



So I battled the fight. I felt torn and confused. My husband, mom, fellow coaches tried their best to help guide me in making the decision that was best for me, but never once tried to sway me one way or another. Our conversations were constructive and real, but it was one of those things that I had to figure out for myself. I was worried about losing myself to weight gain struggles and lack of workouts. I was worried about not having extra income. I was worried that my dream of buying land and building a house was done. I was worried about not being able to ever stay home with my kids if I wanted. But as I stepped away from coaching - from Power Hours, from conversations with random girls, from long team calls in the evenings, from inviting and promoting, from worrying about what I was posting on social media as soon as I woke up until I went to bed - I slowly realized that no part of me missed this life. I was okay, but still needed a clear answer. That maybe these dreams that I had were still possible, but maybe down a different path. I needed a sure sign I was making the right decision.

I had many people support me through my coaching experience, but my friend Ashley was right there for me through it all. She never was negative about coaching, and always listened and supported this journey. After sharing  my struggles about possibly quitting with her, she told something I needed to hear. She told me to pray for a clear answer, and leave the bias thoughts out. Ask for answers and be okay with either decision you're led to. It was what I needed to hear. Something about it just clicked for me. I never thought that I was praying with bias, but I was. So I did - I prayed without bias that night. I asked for clarity and direction, no matter what road that needed to be.

The very next Friday afternoon, I realized that all of these thoughts and struggles swirling around in my head needed some organization. I laid out clean white paper in front of me, and made pro/con lists. I made a pro/con list for continuing to coach, and I made a pro/con list for stepping away from coaching. As soon as I put the cap on the marker, stepped back and looked over my lists, all of a sudden - the answer was so obviously clear. The clarity I prayed for the night before was laid out in front of me. Why I hadn't thought about writing my thoughts out on paper before that day remains a mystery, but honestly - I truly believe, it was God's way of giving me clarity and direction just like I prayed for.

It was clear that my pro's for continuing to coach were very materialistic.
House, land, and more money. It was clear that I was focusing on other people's thoughts and feelings towards me, but not worried about the people that mattered most - my husband, daughter, and family. I didn't miss coaching during that time I stepped away, which says something too. If I was truly in love with this life, part of me would have missed it. And I didn't, not once.

From finding out my job in the fall was going to be changing and way more time consuming, to getting really sick, and receiving that message from a potential client, conversations with loved ones and friends, and soul searching through prayer, lists, and even more prayers, I realized that this life - the life of coaching - wasn't for me anymore. I realized that MY family is my first priority above any girl I coached or coaches I worked with. That the life I dreamed up was possible, but not like this. I realized how much I needed coaching in my life, but didn't need it also. I found myself - I found health and beauty and appreciation for my own body. I found confidence that carried over into my personal life and relationships.. I found strength and courage in doing what is right for you, and putting away the worry of other people's thoughts. I realized that this journey wasn't all bad, that I found some pretty amazing, wonderful, great things too. But the amazing, wonderful, and great things are possible without selling a lifestyle, without upholding an image on social media, and without neglecting the people I love the most.

Stepping away from this part of my life, I began to look at teaching again in a different light. Scrolling Pinterest, thinking up classroom decorating ideas, lesson planning, feeling like I had a place again in a school, was exciting for me. I realized that these kids that I was goign to teach needed a teacher that was all in. That was fully present in their life and their education, and if I was focused on coaching, that wasn't going to happen. I went to school to be a teacher for a reason, even back then I knew it was the path that God was leading me down. I just needed to redirect and step back onto the path, ignore the negativity surrounding it, and do what my heart was and has been led to do. Something in my gut tells me that there's more for me in this teaching world than I ever dreamed possible, but it's going to take patience and putting forth my time in the classroom with my kids to get there.

But most of all, I found happiness in the ordinary, joy in the small things, love, more laughter, and time well spent with my loved ones, and also - the incredible feeling of being completely myself.

__________________

Post-coaching Q&A

I've received a lot of questions since I officially stepped away from coaching last April and May. So, I thought a quick little Q&A session would be the perfect way to address them. :)

Do you still do the Beachbody workouts?

Yes! I do, and I honestly truly love them. I used to think that working out needed to be long and drawn out, but this toddler mama ain't got time for that. But they're truly effective, they're short and simple which fits my lifestyle. I do go through phases where I work out consistently, and then I don't because #life. But I like knowing I have something to always go back to that truly works for me.

Do you drink Shakeology?

Nope. Do I wish I was sometimes? Yep, sometimes. I really did like the flavor, and the convenience of a healthy meal. But I've done the full 21 Day Fix plan without Shakeology, and I still lost weight and felt healthy. At this point, I can't justify spending over $140 a month on it if I'm not trying to sell it to people. There are ways to be healthy, get vitamins and "superfoods" in your diet that are easier on the pockets. And honestly, if you do some research, you can probably find a cheaper alternative that's equally beneficial to your body.

Have you kept the weight off since you quit coaching?

Mostly, yes. I have gained a few pounds back, but I still weigh less than I did when I first found out I was pregnant with Harper. I like food way too much for it to be an all the time thing. I learned so much from doing 21 Day Fix though - I know what portions I need and what food groups I need and don't need. I still base my meal plans each week around 21 Day Fix portions. And then sometimes, you make chocolate chip pumpkin bread and that doesn't fit into a container. :)

Do you still meal plan each week?

Ha. :) Sometimes yes, sometimes no.
I know what I need to eat and what I don't need to eat at this point, so I can get away with not doing it sometimes. Some weeks are just tricky. And meal planning is only as complicated as you make it. But sometimes, life just gets busy.

Do you still keep in contact with the girls you coached with? Y'all seemed so close, and always talked about how important your team was to each one of you?

Nope, not really. Which I think says a lot. I have talked to a couple since I quit, but I also heard from none - even before I posted about my coaching experience on my blog, which clearly upset some people. I think the idea of "women empowerment" and how close we were as a team was just a selling point. I think if we were truly friends, we still would be communicating. And some really took my experience personal, and used my words and social media posts as posting leverage on their own social media, so I chose to remove those people from my life. And honestly, they aren't missed and true colors have been shown.

How is teaching going?

Honestly, it's going really well. There are really stressful days and weeks, but I've fallen in love my class this year, and I have rediscovered my love for teaching. I'm kinda a weirdo, but I LOVE decorating a classroom and I LOVE making lesson plans. It's a passion of mine, and I'm glad I didn't pass it up. I truly feel like this is where I'm meant to be, and know it's going to lead me in the direction God wants me to be in. It is a very time consuming job, and I don't know how I would have even fit coaching in even if I wanted to. No, I don't make thousands and thousands of dollars as a teacher, but there's something about doing what you love that seems more important to me. I didn't love coaching and selling people on workouts and shakes, but I do love teaching even when it's hard. It's what gives me that just right feeling in my gut, and I have a lot of peace about it in my heart.

Is it difficult not having the extra income from coaching?

Not like I thought it would be. I didn't realize it until I stepped away from coaching, but I was spending a lot of money on my shakes, coaching fee, prizes for my girls, maintaining two other accounts each month with purchases. I don't think I was making that much more if any the more I thought about it. Plus, I've really cut back on unnecessary expenses and budgeting groceries.

I've started focusing back on my TpT store also, and have had income with that. I love creating resources, and have some big plans and ideas with that. And I don't have to even spend money to build that business if I don't want to, which is really nice. With this avenue, I'm using the resources in my store in my own classroom, so I'm not doing anything extra that I'm not already doing. Plus, I'm not going out and being salesy or "selling my lifestyle" like I was. If people want to buy from my store, great. If not, great. :) But it's something I'm more passionate about, I feel more comfortable doing, and it lets me share my creativity with other teachers.

How has family life been since you quit coaching?

Overall, wonderful. We, of course, have our ups and downs like any family. We have the same struggles as anybody, we have a crazy toddler that gives us a run for our money on the regular. But I feel like I appreciate my time with them more, we spend a lot of time together, and I'm still able to focus on my job, things I love doing, and maintaining our house and other chores. I definitely made the right decision.

__________________

Previous "Why I Decided to Become a Coach and Why I Decided to Quit" posts below.

ONE | TWO | THREE | FOUR